Trivial Pursuits
by DeniseV
Summary: A close call lands Sheppard and McKay in the infirmary, where they and Beckett take on Dr. Weir's team in a game of knowledge. Ah, the unfairness of it all.


"Hold it up, McKay."

"I am," Rodney grunted. "Colonel." The physicist was sweating profusely from the effort.

"Actually, you've lowered it a skosh."

"A 'skosh'? Well, that's good to know, Sheppard-san. I'm doing the best I can." The scientist's arms trembled as he held the heavy piece of ceiling up. He chanced a look over at Sheppard and then said, "Seriously. I wasn't kidding about the 'sayonara'. You should go. This is probably…grrr." McKay growled, struggling to keep the heavy timber from falling on the explosives. "It's a bad idea to stay."

The team had chanced upon an outpost, not Ancient, but one that harkened back to something resembling the American Old West, circa 1875. The town they'd found, including the rundown saloon, what appeared to be a five and dime, the livery and the muddy town square, had been deserted long ago. The team had spent some time exploring, well, mostly just Sheppard and McKay had, pretending in turn to be Wyatt Earp or Doc Holliday, having fun with the idea of their own version of Dodge City out in the Pegasus Galaxy, but ultimately realizing that they really were wasting their time, at least insofar as their original intent for being there was concerned. They had found nothing so far that was of any interest to the expedition, and had decided to make the mine on the way out of town and on the way to the Stargate their last stop.

Sheppard pretty quickly called it a day once McKay found what appeared to be a stash of a nitroglycerine-like substance in crates just inside an antechamber about twenty feet beyond the mine's entrance. Before they could head out and away from the potentially unstable explosive material, the ground rumbled. A large wooden beam from the mine's ceiling crashed down without warning, knocking Teyla down, and unconscious. Ronon lifted her up and ran out with instructions from Sheppard to get her back to Atlantis, and to bring help back PDQ.

More of the framing for the old mine collapsed. John took a heavy blow on his right arm, shoulder and upper chest. And Rodney? Rodney McKay placed his body in the way of a large timber in an effort to save both himself and his team leader and best friend from the effects of the massive explosion that all of that crushed nitro would have caused. It seemed, as the moments ticked by, that Rodney might not, in the end, be able to save the two of them after all.

"That's not gonna happen," John said as he held his right arm close across his stomach with his left. "It was just the one tremor." Rodney looked at him as though he had grown two heads. "Okay, it was a bad, sustained one, but, still, it was just one. And Ronon will bring back some big, brawny Marines to take your place. Then we can get this reinforced and get out of Dodge, no pun intended."

"Hm. You see…right now, that's not funny. You think," Rodney panted, catching a breath before going on, "you bring the funny, but you really don't."

"Actually, Rodney, it was funny. But I'm not laughing either, so I know how you feel."

It was quiet for just seconds and then John heard the large beam settle some more.

"Oh god, oh god," McKay said, worry and desperation evident in the familiar voice.

"What?" John asked. There was no immediate answer from the scientist, but it was pretty clear that Rodney was bent over even farther than before. Man, that had to hurt, especially considering how long he'd been at it now.

"I…um…oh god," he repeated. And then all John heard for a while was heavy breathing, in and out, and an obvious effort on McKay's part not to move or lose more of the timber than he already had.

"Come on McKay. Talk to me," John coaxed.

"I think…I…something snapped. In my back."

"Oh." That wasn't good, but Rodney didn't need to hear that. "Well, you were bound to pull something there, McKay."

"Yeah. I suppose. He breathed deliberately in and out some more and then said, "I'm not sure…it felt more like my neck. But it's obviously nothing bad, right? I mean," he continued, coming disturbingly close to babbling now, "it couldn't be really bad, right? I wouldn't be able to still hold this thing up, would I? Who would be able to hold this up with a broken back or a broken neck?" he asked, looking for reassurance…looking for a specific answer for his very much not rhetorical question.

John Sheppard knew how he would answer. He knew that he would not say that he had seen men do amazing things in the heat of battle, because adrenaline and a commitment to a cause, or to their buddies, took them through some pretty bad stuff, only to have them bleed out moments later, or suffer too quickly the symptoms of shock and not get properly treated, or see a man walking to a chopper one day but leaving the VA so very many months later to spend the rest of his days in a wheelchair.

No, those were the things he would not say in answer to Rodney McKay's question.

"Of course not, buddy. I'm sure it's something trivial, a pull or a bruise. Or several." Okay, maybe not so trivial he thought as he watched Rodney grimace. "Hurts, huh?"

"It's unbearable." McKay took a moment to glance at the mine's entrance, though never, ever allowing his concentration to falter from the important task at hand, or on his back, as the case may be. "You think Ronon's coming?"

"I know he is. I'll bet…" Sheppard started, but was interrupted by the blessed sound of radio chatter.

"Colonel Sheppard? Do you read?"

"Lorne? Good to hear your voice."

"We're about three minutes out, sir. How's McKay holding up?"

John looked at Rodney. He trusted that the scientist would do all that he could to manage the three minutes, and more, if he had to, but the colonel preferred that Lorne and his team get there quicker if they could.

"Can you double time it?"

"We are, sir. Uh, Ronon's coming."

"Good." Sheppard grabbed a crate and sat, his eyes now comfortably level with McKay's. "Did you hear that, Rodney? Ronon'll be here in a sec to spell you."

"Sounds like a plan." McKay's breathing was fast now, threatening to hamper his thus far successful efforts to hold the large beam away from the explosive material.

"Just a little longer," John encouraged.

Ronon stormed into the cavern, stopping abruptly and then walking straight to McKay. He grabbed hold of the beam with both hands and said, "Get out." But McKay didn't move. It looked like he couldn't.

"McKay, you can come out. Ronon's got it for now."

"I…ah…I, um, I can't seem to move." And John couldn't help him. His entire right side since he'd been hit had alternated between aching and numb, thought it seemed to have happily settled, much to his chagrin, mostly on aching. He knew that if he stopped holding onto his bad arm with his good one that he risked passing out, and that wouldn't do anyone any good right now.

"Okay," John said calmly. "What if I step close and you reached for my leg, grabbed hold of it, and then I could sort of drag you out."

"No, that s…sounds like a b…b…bad idea to me," Rodney declined.

It might have sounded like a bad idea, but shock didn't sound like all that much better of one to Sheppard.

Finally, footfall from just outside told the colonel that the cavalry, in the form of a lot of Marines and Air Force personnel, had arrived.

As had Dr. Carson Beckett.

"Colonel, how are you?" Carson started, immediately checking John's arm.

"I'm okay." He looked to where Carson's eyes hovered, his obviously injured shoulder, arm, and not so obvious chest. "Fine. I hurt. But you need to get to Rodney. He was holding up that big chunk of wood that Ronon's got now and he thinks he pulled something in his neck or back. He was holding it up for over twenty minutes."

"Rodney was holding that up for twenty minutes?" Carson asked incredulously, his eyes veering from Ronon's hands down the length of the ancient piece of wood and then over to a terribly stooped and without doubt frightened and frozen in place Rodney McKay. Why he was not moving was yet to be determined.

"Yeah."

"Good heavens."

"Carson, these are crates of nitro underneath," Rodney warned.

"We've been briefed, Rodney. Why don't you let me help you out of there."

"I can't move," McKay answered despondently.

Carson looked at Rodney sadly, but got to action quickly.

"Major Lorne, I'm going to need help." He set down his equipment and immediately pulled out a cervical collar.

"Rodney, I'm going to put this around your neck, and then we're going to stabilize you quickly on a backboard and then leave the area as the Marines reinforce the ceiling." Carson stepped back for a second. "Colonel, will you be okay for now?"

"For now." It was short and not at all the answer one normally expected from Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. The man was clearly hurting or Carson would have heard the far more typical and highly frustrating 'I'm fine' malarkey from the Air Force man, but that he would put his own pain and injury aside to make sure that his teammate got looked after said a lot about him as a leader, as a man, and as a friend.

The chamber was now crowded with bodies, two additional members of Lorne's team to help Ronon, more men with equipment to begin the reinforcing effort, two sets of orderlies with litters. Carson Beckett was glad that he demanded both, seeing the condition of his two friends.

The physician proceeded to place the collar around Rodney's neck. McKay remained uncommonly quiet through the entire procedure. Then Carson and Lorne stepped to either side of Rodney, trying not to jostle Ronon, the additional Marines or the nitro, and forced the scientist forward. Each step seemed to hurt, and the hurt seemed to scare Rodney, though Sheppard was inwardly happy to see that pain. It would have been far worse if McKay's inability to move earlier had been from actual paralysis than from physical stress and fear.

Within ten minutes Carson was setting up IVs for both men well away from the mine's entrance and the Marines were finishing up a roughshod frame to keep the ceiling of the mine in place long enough for them to get through the Stargate. It made little sense to leave something so fragile behind for someone else to stumble across: C-4 with a timer would set the explosion to go off thirty minutes after they left, the ghost town in no real threat of being found before that time.

Two days later, Rodney McKay on muscle relaxers, John Sheppard on pain killers and Carson Beckett were sitting around the infirmary, well, Rodney was still lying, carefully, playing Trivial Pursuit, as a team, against a recovering and released from the infirmary Teyla Emmagen, Dr. Elizabeth Weir, Ronon Dex and Dr. Radek Zelenka. Elizabeth had said that the teams seemed mismatched given that two members of the opposition were on medication. Rodney snorted and then howled. Elizabeth wasn't sympathetic after that, even after her team was up four game pieces to one early on.

The fact that the game was now tied four all only added to Elizabeth's irritation with the healing men.

"Ew. That is enough. McKay cannot read the questions any longer," Radek complained. "That is the second time that he has drooled on the cards."

"We prefer to call it salivate," Carson noted.

"It is nasty whatever you call it," Radek responded.

"I'm on pain killers," Rodney justified.

"You're on muscle relaxants. I'm on the pain pills," John corrected happily.

"Oh yeah, that's right," Rodney agreed, giggling.

"That is no excuse," Elizabeth said, snatching the card from the physicist and wiping it on Rodney's hospital scrubs.

"Hey, you're just trying to cheat. It's your turn. We get to ask the question," McKay whined, grabbing unsuccessfully for the card that Weir had already placed back in the deck. He stopped quickly, though, because all that movement was starting to hurt.

"Then ask, Carson or John," Elizabeth instructed.

"Jealous," Rodney sniped.

"Obviously," John agreed, siding with his infirmary room partner in crime.

"Somebody should read a question," Teyla suggested pleasantly, though the game was growing tiresome as the afternoon wore on and her lingering concussion headache grew. Plus, the game had been more of a curiosity for her and Ronon; Radek and Elizabeth had been the ones to keep their team in the game.

"Of course, lass. Let's see. Your category was 'Science and Nature'."

"For pie," Ronon added.

"Ha!" Rodney gloated.

"What?" Radek asked indignantly.

"Isn't this your fourth try for that piece of pie?" Sheppard asked.

"Fifth," Rodney answered.

"I stand corrected," Sheppard smiled back.

"Ask the question," Elizabeth demanded.

"What is the scientific term for an apparent 'throwback' characteristic of an organism that reveals a trait of an earlier ancestor?"

John looked to Rodney and they both said "Crap." Together. They smiled at one another, despite the fact that the opposition was about to go one up one them.

"Atavism," Elizabeth and Radek smiled at one another as the leader of the expedition gave the answer immediately.

"Double crap," Rodney and John again spoke in unison. They looked at each other and laughed, though it was more of a giggle this time, yet it was still clearly not as robust as it might have been if either had been feeling better.

"Maybe you two should get a room," Ronon said. The two friends ignored the suggestion.

"You realize that we won't be finishing this game today," Carson said, directing his comment to all but McKay and Sheppard, who were happily high-fiving, on John's left side, and very carefully, since just about all movement still hurt for Rodney, even with muscle relaxers.

"It is rather sweet how they can be in their own world even with other people in the room," Teyla commented, smiling.

"Such is the way with children," Radek observed. "It is just as well. I do have work to do."

"No work," John commanded. He tapped the table, making the game pieces jump. "We're not done."

"Not done," Rodney chimed in, yawning widely, though he did have the wherewithal to cover his mouth. "You know, my sister has a set of twenty-four carat gold Trivial Pursuit game pieces. It's pretty neat," he smiled as his thoughts drifted to Jeannie and his eyes grew heavy with sleep.

"Rodney!" John yelled. "Wake up."

"Colonel, you should let him sleep. You and I can take Dr. Weir's team," Carson said, sending a wink Elizabeth's way.

"No, no. I'm up. I'm good," Rodney insisted.

"All right. Then I'm gonna roll," Ronon said. He might not be able to help with the answers, but he was all over the rest of the mechanics of the game. "And if this game isn't over in twenty-six minutes, then we're callin' it. I'm hungry."

"Twenty-six minutes?" Rodney asked. "Yes, well, we must feed the beast."

"Watch yourself, McKay," Sheppard warned. "You don't want another injury before you've recovered from this one."

"Ronon wouldn't hurt me."

"Why not?" Ronon asked.

"Because, you…um, I…" Rodney fumbled.

"Never mind, Rodney. You know you're at a disadvantage today," Carson offered helpfully.

"There, you see. That's right." McKay paused and then frowned. "What? Wait a minute. Carson, what are you talking about?"

Everyone laughed happily at Rodney's expense.

"Five. Roll again." Ronon moved his team's piece and rolled again. "Two. Ah-ha. Uh-oh. Pink. For pie."

"Ha!"

"Shut up, Rodney," Radek said.

"Entertainment," John said snidely.

"Just ask the question," Teyla begged, lowering her head and wondering when this game would ever end.

John held the next card in his hand. "I do believe this is the category you have tried more times, for pie, than the science question."

"Why must you insist on calling it pie? Is it not a game piece?" Radek asked.

"Does it not look like a pie?" John asked with a slight Czech accent.

"John?" Elizabeth warned. "Please ask the question."

"Fine." Sheppard looked down at the card. He squinted at it, and then moved the card closer to his eyes. "This. Is. Bullshit," he said, holding the card out as evidence.

"What?" Rodney asked, concerned that the game was beginning to slip through his fingers.

"Bullshit, I tell you," Sheppard said, passing the card to McKay.

"Ah, ah. Spittle," Radek warned.

"Shut up," Rodney glared. He looked at the card. "Stacked. Someone stacked the deck." He tossed the card on the game board.

"Come now," Beckett admonished, picking the card up and looking at the Entertainment question. He looked up and stared accusingly at Elizabeth and Radek. And that's when he saw it, the slight upturn of the lip on the Czech's mouth. It really was a set-up. And a good one, he had to admit. And Carson Beckett wasn't going to argue it, because Teyla was right, at the rate they were going, and as stubborn as John Sheppard and Rodney McKay both were, they would be at this game all night.

"Well, I know it seems like it has to be that someone stacked the deck, but you know that's not so." He had two stone faces looking back at him. "It's bad luck, I won't deny that." They were intractable in their positions, his two good friends who he would prefer to see sleeping rather than staring him down.

"What is the question?" Teyla asked.

"Like you don't know," John said, squinting his eyes at her, accusation dripping from every word.

Teyla opened her eyes wide and said, "I do not."

John looked a little confused, a lot tired, and said, "Oh. Well, maybe your team kept you out if it."

"John, Rodney, think about it. Statistically speaking, what were the chances," Carson started, trying to deal with their logical sides rather than their current highly emotional ones in order to wind this down and get his only two patients to bed, "with all of the questions asked, turns taken," he looked back and forth between the two men with kindness and sincerity – Carson was good at kindness and sincerity – "that on the last question, for the game, that this would be able to be placed in just the right spot in the right deck of cards? And Rodney, you've been taking cards from both decks, you remember that, don't ye?" Carson would have to go see Radek later to see just how he'd managed to David Copperfield that one.

"Or are you going to blame the muscle relaxants for memory loss as well as loss of the game?" Radek asked.

"Dr. Zelenka, play nice," Elizabeth Weir warned.

Rodney stewed. So did John. They looked at each other, a silent conversation being had. Finally, Rodney said, "Fine. But I'm not asking the question."

"Nobody's asking you to," Elizabeth said.

"We would like the cards to remain dry," Radek added.

"Ha," Rodney replied, half-hearted at best.

"Carson?" Teyla asked.

Carson Beckett looked at his patients and Trivial Pursuit teammates sadly and said, "It was a valiant effort, boys. Okay, here's the question: William Shatner's character on the original 'Star Trek' series was Captain James T. Kirk." A series of 'ahs' and 'ohs' and a loud Satedan laugh were heard as McKay and Sheppard lowered their heads. Carson shook his head and continued. "What does the 'T' stand for?"

Rodney turned to John and said, "If we had instituted my rule, this never would have happened." John nodded his head in agreement and then lowered his head back in the chair tiredly.

"Your rule?" Elizabeth asked with a smirk.

"Yes," Rodney responded, providing no detail as he continued to pout.

"John?" Elizabeth asked, though John would be providing no answer as he headed to sleep.

"We'll get him into a bed in a minute, Elizabeth. Rodney, do you want to enlighten us?" Carson queried his unhappy friend.

"It's a good rule. Why not? Questions are disqualified when they end in a preposition."

Laughter trickled through the room as all of the non-injured helped put the game away.

"Did you hear anyone give an actual answer?" McKay asked to a slightly snoring Sheppard.

The End.


End file.
